I'm a human being, and that comes along with a whole bunch of stuff.
A few things I've been wanting to talk about recently, I guess, I'll share today.
I'm not happy with my intelligence, or for that fact the determinations we make upon the subject of intelligence. I believe that everyone is capable of demonstrating great intelligence and that people think because someone is very good at one thing that they're intelligent and that if you aren't good at some things you're somehow of lesser intelligence. The easiest thing for me to relate this to, as it comes up frequently at work, is maths, more specifically quick calculations, I tend to do them in my head, but I will write them down if they're slightly more complex. I try my best to keep my mind working, and avoid a calculator unless there is a real need for it.
When I do these calculations, I feel bad that the skills haven't been provided to the people around me asking for me to do them, I know it takes work, but simple calculations should be able to be done by everyone without a calculator. With that comes a whole load of issues, like, how right now we all (essentially) have access to a calculator, so maths skill can be deemed to be less important as long as we understand how to use a calculator. That's not the point I want to make, I want to say we shouldn't use a calculator, that we should try to sharpen our minds by performing these mental calculations, and that we should all understand the fundamentals of how these calculations are made.
Therefore, I feel like we are missing the point of education. I feel like there are reasons to do maths, and by extension physics, chemistry is somewhat esoteric, but I'd consider it frivolous and extra, as long as we can provide a fundamental basis of knowledge from which things can be built. Fundamentals in language as well, I feel mine are lacking, and that we are taught rules that make no sense. How about the spelling rule 'I before E, except after C', and how that's utter nonsense, and there are more instances of that not occurring, even in a word I use probably every day, Science. Then, there's just the word 'their', which constantly failed me when I was younger, misspelling it by following a useless rule that mislead my young mind.
So there's a lot of things in my mind to unpack. A lot of thoughts about education, and intelligence, there's more I can say, but for now, I have other things on my mind I'd like to share.
Intelligence isn't anything without application, it's fundamental that we can apply what we know, and that our basics are in the correct place. Basics and fundamentals should be able to provide us all the knowledge that we require, but I'm always aware that I'm certain I have holes in my basics, especially in writing where I was kept in to work on my handwriting and not my writing skill, where I was grouped within the top group for English in year 9, but I knew I shouldn't be there, because my basics were poor. This lead to a huge fall in the following year from being in an English group I was rightfully put in 3 set, but recognising that too late I felt like damaged my confidence after having a year of being told that my writing wasn't good. I agreed with the teacher and said I shouldn't have been in the group. In year 8 too, we had an assignment I completely misunderstood, and turned something in incredibly subpar after a poor explanation from our teacher at the time.
All that to say, I'm still working on it, and trying to improve 14-15 years later and it still plagues my mind.
Stepping away from that, but applying the same principles, part of my Destiny group made a successful trip to the lighthouse, and it made me, not jealous, but encouraged, as the guy I associate most with I'd put on an equal skill level to me, and one of the guys is at a much higher level. I learned far too late about fundamentals of movement, self-support using grenades, but I spent a lot of time focused on improving these aspects as well as increasing gun skill. What I can say is that one on one my skill is good, in 3's it's okay, but in 6's I have the hardest time. But 6's I've always found overwhelming.
So I've been practising and working on getting better for 3's, specifically elimination, and trying to get to the elusive lighthouse. It's something I want to achieve, but I'm ever increasingly doubtful. The fact that a subset of my team (of 5) has succeeded has encouraged me to try to keep improving. I feel like the change in the game that recently occurred has helped me significantly as my skill with primaries has led to me being able to play slightly above the level I was playing at before. I'm picking up groups and playing with them, and trying to learn every Saturday and Sunday morning, and overall assessing how I'm performing, and what things I'll need to work on whenever I load up the game. My free for all skill level is so much higher than anything else, but it doesn't translate to some other areas of the game, specifically 6v6 game modes, but in 3v3s it feels much better than it has in the past.
Then there's the aspect that you have to try new things. I've been unhappy with my singing voice as I mentioned yesterday, but I took the risk and recorded my singing, and I'm looking forward to getting some feedback on what I've done. I feel like I needed to do this, and that I needed to really understand how my music fits together, I'm happy with how the track is mixed, but it's strange recording me singing again and again, to try and get a good take or two. I have learned what I need to do, I need to sing more, I need to record, I need to pick a song to cover, I need to be able to assess where I'm strong and where I'm weak, and work on anything to get better.
I'm not sure where I stand with anything, work is strange at the moment, I know I'm lacking in knowledge about so many things, but I am confident I can learn.
It's a strange time for me at the moment.
Have an excellent day! You're all my favourites!