In case you have read the title, this will contain spoilers for Star Wars: the Last Jedi. Keep reading if you like but if you haven't seen it, don't complain if you read it and it spoils the movie because this is the third time that I'm saying this will contain spoilers.
It's been two years since Episode 7 brought the Star Wars story back to film and with it new questions and characters. Finally we can get some answers to the question that we've been waiting for, what are the Porg?
I'm just going to get it out there, I wasn't a fan of the Last Jedi. In short, I felt the film didn't really contribute much to the overall story and it just felt like playing a game of chess where every move was predetermined to end in a stalemate. That's not to say there isn't anything good about the film, it's entertaining and there are some good action sequences and funny jokes, but I usually expect a story to accompany the action and visuals. Otherwise, I may as well just watch Justice League. From the beginning I could see that they were trying to go with a more suspenseful story, with the whole "kick the ladder" bit to get the remote. It seemed like she could have climbed the ladder quicker than kicking it, plus the ship was getting hit by lasers, surely that would cause the ship to shake more than kicking it. I mean it's how she fell in the first place. When will the
Empire New Order learn that the bigger you make things, the easier the rebellion will blow it up. How many times is this now?
The whole, I can't hear you part I could see as splitting opinions. On one hand, it was kind of smart as it was a way to stall and played into Hux' ego and confidence. I'm sure Snoke or Kylo would have immediately told them to fire but Hux wants the last word and wants that confirmation he is heard and feared. On the other hand, people might not like starting Star Wars with a joke.
The addition of Rose was pretty formulaic Star Wars for me. They needed someone who knew the workings of spaceships, so there she was. Incidentally, they didn't need one but I'll get to that eventually. At least they gave her a bit of a backstory, which is more I can say for anyone else in the film we haven't already met. Benicio Del Toro's DJ for example. Who's this guy? Who cares, he opens doors. Ok that's enough information. Laura Dern's Admiral Holdo. Who's this admiral that we've never seen anywhere before? No idea, but apparently she's a friend to Leia and next in charge. Ok. Even Snoke was just a guy with the force. No idea where he came from or what his story was. Just some meat head that dies almost laughingly easily. You're in his head, how can you not see what he's doing? Some might say that's his Ego blinding him but seriously, that guys in charge? It was almost like a "Look over here" and then slap from the opposite side joke.
I think the film was a little overly ambitious or confused with what it wanted to be. Everything that one side did, the other side knew and would counter in some way and the story seemed to always make excuses for how they knew. None more so than DJ knowing they were trying to escape on transporters because they knew they were only tracking large ships. Things just seemed to happen and then be negated minutes later. Holdo is terrible, wait no, she's good but who cares, she's dead. We need this specific guy, wait no, this random we found in a cell will do but oh my god, he betrayed us? Why would this random who knows nothing about us and owes us nothing betray us when all we did was offer him money to do something and the New Order paid more? Shocking. Hey we're stuck in this base which a droid said they scanned the base and there's only one entrance. Wait a sec, we have these random crystal foxes here, we can use those as a plot device to show us a way out that the droid that scanned the base couldn't find after scanning the base. Everything just had a response and ultimately that meant the film didn't resolve anything. Sure people died, the only one that meant anything was Luke, and things blew up. Snoke died, sure but we knew nothing about him. He was basically a chair filler. Now we have Kylo Ren sitting there, at least we have some knowledge of him. Speaking of that scene, when Kylo and Rey were fighting the Red Guard, Kylo loses his lightsaber and Rey throws hers (or Luke's if you want to be pedantic) then they fight over the lightsaber and it blows up and they get knocked out. When Kylo comes to, his lightsaber is on his belt. Did Rey wake up, get the bits of Luke's lightsaber, find Kylo's and put it on his belt? Or did Hux do it? Otherwise, how did it get there?
The film was visually good, though a little too "normal" for my liking. Most places just looked generic. They didn't seem to have the character of other planets like Hoth or Jakku or Dagobah. Crait was different however, though it seemed more like a planet that was red underneath and white on top purely to add visual vibrancy to the final scene. Plus, what's with the part where the guy tastes the ground and says "Salt"? What did that add to the film other than pointlessly and blatantly telling people, "hey, just so you know, that's not blood. It's salt. And now, back to the fight".
And now Rey and Kylo. Luke is so afraid of what he saw in Kylo, he almost killed him over it and when that went bad, he cut himself off from the force and went into crazy hermit guy mode on a secluded planet. So when the girl that you said you're going to cheat see the dark side and just jumps into it without hesitating and Luke gets scared, you'd think he would stop training her and tell her to leave. Especially after he pretty much says he's not going to make that mistake again. But there we are only minutes later and he's giving her lesson 2. You just saw her going down the same path that you said you wouldn't make that mistake again but there you go making it again. I also like that they continued the tradition of WTF moments in Dark side caves with the whole infinite Reys cave. So she has no parents at all? Did the midiclurians from Darth Vader leave and make a person and that's Rey? Two years people have been waiting to know who her parents are after making such a big deal of it to find out "Anybody. Nobody. It doesn't matter". Ok.
Few other notes:
I felt like Luke interrupted what was going to be a Jedi Mind sex scene between Rey and Kylo in the hut. Can't have privacy with your crazy uncle walking in a room while you're with a girl.
The whole Poe thread was just made him look like a dick. He seemed to cause more deaths on his own side than he was trying to prevent. But everyone seemed to be ok with it so we'll just ignore that. And the scene with him meeting Rey, why? I get they should meet but it felt as unnecessary as the whole "Salt" scene.
I guess Rey stole the Jedi texts from the tree when she left?
Luke couldn't go closer to the water to fish? Why are you so far away and you'd need to lift the pole all the way up just to get the fish? Why are you making it so hard?
Rey's first words "Master Skywalker" sounded like a 12 year old English child. Is this Star Wars or Oliver Twist? She does look like she's bulked up from episode 7 to 8 though.
Wait, Leia just uses her force powers occasionally when she's dying? Could she have not used them to stop the rockets first?
In the end, the film was entertaining but I felt it didn't contribute anything to the story. It ended as it started with the New Order chasing the Rebels. But we're down a Jedi now and since Jedi are always poor bums, that kid that looks like young Anakin has to be a Jedi now. Seriously, why are there no well off kids becoming with the force? Anyway, I'm glad that this isn't the last Star Wars or the Last Jedi, because ending it here would be disappointing for me. I know many enjoyed it so I'm glad you did. This is just my opinion on what I got from the film. It was satisfactory in a generous ranking.